"You definitely don't have cancer"

I know I post plenty of sarcastic blog posts, but this is not one of those.

My great grandma has had many, many types of cancer throughout her 94 years of life, and I recently heard that she's battling it once again. My grandma has also had breast cancer 3 different times. After she found out the first time, she had a double mastectomy. As if that wasn't enough to go through to try and get rid of it forever, it came back 2 more times. I just learned over the weekend that she has it for the 3rd time and that it has now spread to her colon. My mom called me a couple of weeks ago and said that in her latest breast exam, the doctor found a few different lumps. She had a biopsy that showed abnormal cells, so she had to have surgery to remove as much as they could. She just got a call that said it was not malignant yet, but that it would have been if they didn't find it when they did.

With all of the history of cancer in my family, I have spent the last 1-2 months freaking the fuck out. About 2 months ago, I found a lump in my breast. As my family does, I have fibrocystic breasts. This just means they are lumpy from fibrous tissue. But this lump was unlike anything I'd ever felt. It was very prominent and had definitely not been there during my last self check. I instantly freaked and began stressing about it. What else did I do? Deny that it was even there. I avoided bumping into the lump or ever having to touch it. If I never felt it, it wasn't there.

I failed tests because of that lump. The mind is an evil thing, and every time I'd sit down to study, my mind would jump straight to the lump- no matter how hard I tried to push those thoughts away. I told myself that it would just go away, just like the swollen lymph nodes I sometimes get with periods. After a month, it had not gone away.

I finally found the courage to make it real and tell my boyfriend about it. His response: go see a doctor. I couldn't explain why that wasn't an option for me, but I just didn't want to. If it was cancer, I didn't want to know. I just wanted to finish school, graduate, and start making enough money that I would be able to pay off medical bills and my student loans. I knew that if I found out I had cancer before I finished school, I wouldn't even be able to afford being sick. He told me that waiting would only make it worse. I knew he was right, but I still couldn't bring myself to make an appointment. I promised him that I'd make an appointment after finals were over so that I could "focus" on those.

I kept my promise and did go see my gynecologist after finals ended. I also immediately felt stupid for being so freaked out about. "I'd fall over on the floor if you had cancer," she said. Even with my family history, it would be highly unlikely for someone my age to have cancer. I didn't know that! She told me to have an ultrasound of the lump & see what that showed.

I made my appointment for 7 freakin AM on Monday at the Goppert Breast Center of St. Luke's. I'd had ultrasounds before when doctors were trying to diagnose my stomach issues, so I wasn't nervous for the actual "procedure." That was easy. I was nervous that the radiologist would see something my gynecologist couldn't feel.

After the tech rolled the ultrasound thing around forever, she brought the radiologist in and he said, "Well you definitely don't have cancer." I let out a huge sigh of relief. But he wasn't finished. He stood in the room with me for probably longer than any other doctor I've ever seen, explaining things to me. I want to share some of what he told me with you because a lot of it was things I'd never heard before. Hopefully this information helps you know what to do if you ever discover a lump.

1. Don't freak out! He said that 99% of lumps are benign. (I don't know how true this is, I'm just typing what he said.)
2. Breasts grow until about 25, and then start to decline in mass.
3. If you have lots of fibrous tissue, the tissue and fat content can twist around each other to form lumps. This can be the same for people without lots of fibrous tissue.
4. If you do feel a lump in your monthly self checks, don't go to the doctor right away. He said it's best to not worry and continue to monitor the lump on your own. He said that if it changes in size, go see a doctor, but if it stays the same size, it is most likely nothing to worry about.
5. If you are really worried that it is something, go see your doctor. If it turns out to be cancer, it really is better the sooner it's caught. You can get started on treatment and hopefully knock it out. If it's not cancer, your fears will be calmed.

My greatest regret about the whole thing is that I waited so long to go see a doctor. I created so much stress by avoiding the whole situation. Make sure you are doing self checks monthly and keeping an eye on changes. If you notice changes, tell someone close to you. Letting other people know about it helped me calm down somewhat. It was like they shared the burden of feeling the lump with me.

Well, I expected this to be a short post, but- like always- it's turned into a long one again and I've got to get ready for work. One last thing (again): do your monthly self exams!