I've been watching The Rachel Zoe Project.
Rodger & Rachel are older and haven't had any children yet. The show is really putting a lot of emphasis on the fact that not having kids yet is putting a strain on their marriage. Obviously I don't know the details of their relationship & I don't know if they've had as many talks about kids as Alexey & I have. As an outsider looking in, it seems as though they each want kids and had decided to have them until Rachel's career got in the way. Once again, this is purely speculation.
Watching the show makes me worry that Alexey & I will turn out that way if we go through with skipping the whole kid thing. Or that by the time we realize being childless isn't for us I'll be too old to have children. What I could really use is some perspective from couples who have lived a life without children.
Naturally, I went to Google hoping to find exactly what I was looking for. What did I find? I found some stories from and a few websites for couples who've decided to not have kids. The problem? All of these people seem to HATE kids! Out of our many reasons for not wanting to have kids, hating them is NOT on the list. Sure, kids can be extremely annoying sometimes, but they are also pretty awesome other times. Ok, my point here is that I don't hate kids. So reading blogs and articles by so-called "child-free" couples that hate children doesn't really give me the perspective I need.
I also can't really get it from what seems to be the other half of childless couples- the ones who can't physically conceive. Not that we've tried yet (gasp- they're virgins!), but I'd assume I'm fertile. I haven't been forced into the idea of not having kids. So I can't relate at all to those couples either.
Even if I did find articles written by people just like me in similar situations, I'm still not sure it would help us make our decision. It would be a much easier decision except for expectations. Ugh...that's such a dirty word. Society (oh god, here I go getting deep...don't worry it won't last too long) expects married couples to have babies. And when they don't have babies, it's not just strange- it's wrong. Alexey & I aren't even married yet & people already continually ask when we're going to start popping out babies. *sigh*
Family is another issue. They also expect us to have kids. Here it's a slightly different story. If we don't have kids, they take it personally. We're denying them of grandkids. That's obviously hard for them, but even harder on us. Making decisions is easy when it only affects you and you alone. When your decisions affect others- and take away something from them- it gets hard, really freakin hard.
I don't want to turn this into a post again about why we don't want kids. I really just wanted to keep it about finding out what it's like for people who have been there and done that. If you have any perspective on this at all, share please! I'd love to hear it. If you don't want to post it publicly I'll try to post something in my sidebar to allow you to email me.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Update on Tuck
I just realized that I haven't posted an update about Tuck...actually I don't think I've blogged at all about him yet! I was pretty surprised the other day to find out that a few people I work with didn't know that we'd gotten another dog. This was for an obvious reason- we had been hiding it from everyone!
Once people found out about him, they thought it was silly that we'd been hiding it, but we did it for a good reason. So many people already judge us for having as many animals as we do & we just wanted to be happy with our new dog instead of worrying about what people thought about us having him. We thought it'd be much easier for someone to find out on their own, say, "You got another dog?! How are you going to handle that?!" and for us to be able to reply, "Oh, we're handling it just fine, thank you, and have been for the past 2 months." It definitely was easier that way.
Now when we first got him, I wasn't sure. He was a very independent dog & we'd always find him in another room sleeping alone. He and Koopa just didn't play all that often, so we thought...ahem...I thought it wasn't going to work out. But as time went on & he got more comfortable with us & Koopa, we all fell in love. All of the things that I'd been worrying about vanished & it's really been great.
He and Koopa play all day except for when they're sleeping or eating. They do a very good job of entertaining themselves so we don't have to keep Koopa interested as often (not that we'd mind it!). Koopa now eats two times a day instead of nibbling all day long. They take naps together, they clean each others teeth, and now they have another dog to play tug with.
Tuck is also an incredibly smart dog. He has learned so much in the couple of months since we got him...he's even better at Koopa on most commands. My favorite part about him is that he is so attentive. Koopa has no problem completely ignoring us, but Tuck almost seems like he's waiting for us to ask him to do something. Every time we move, he looks up and makes eye contact like he's saying, "What can I do for you?" It's awesome.
I do have some complaints obviously. My first one is actually kind of humorous. I have two very noisy dogs. This doesn't change when they're playing; actually it's worse when they do. And they play all the time. They slam each other into walls, grab each others legs and drag the other around by them, and whine/make Chewbacca noises while they play. Most of the time it's downright funny, but sometimes when I'm studying I just can't take it! We're definitely working on decreasing the damn noise. The second complaint is that they like to play too much! When I take them out to go to the bathroom, they do their thing, but on the way back in they start playing. This normally wouldn't be a problem except that they're ON LEASH and -worst of all- attached to me! I bet this really cracks the neighbors up seeing me get dragged around by two nutty dogs.
But really, I'm just so incredibly happy to have 2 dogs & 3 cats that are happy and so loved. They improve my life so much & I really hope that we do the same for them. Now before I get too sappy, here are some pictures of my boys and even a video so you believe me about Chewbacca.
Once people found out about him, they thought it was silly that we'd been hiding it, but we did it for a good reason. So many people already judge us for having as many animals as we do & we just wanted to be happy with our new dog instead of worrying about what people thought about us having him. We thought it'd be much easier for someone to find out on their own, say, "You got another dog?! How are you going to handle that?!" and for us to be able to reply, "Oh, we're handling it just fine, thank you, and have been for the past 2 months." It definitely was easier that way.
Now when we first got him, I wasn't sure. He was a very independent dog & we'd always find him in another room sleeping alone. He and Koopa just didn't play all that often, so we thought...ahem...I thought it wasn't going to work out. But as time went on & he got more comfortable with us & Koopa, we all fell in love. All of the things that I'd been worrying about vanished & it's really been great.
He and Koopa play all day except for when they're sleeping or eating. They do a very good job of entertaining themselves so we don't have to keep Koopa interested as often (not that we'd mind it!). Koopa now eats two times a day instead of nibbling all day long. They take naps together, they clean each others teeth, and now they have another dog to play tug with.
Tuck is also an incredibly smart dog. He has learned so much in the couple of months since we got him...he's even better at Koopa on most commands. My favorite part about him is that he is so attentive. Koopa has no problem completely ignoring us, but Tuck almost seems like he's waiting for us to ask him to do something. Every time we move, he looks up and makes eye contact like he's saying, "What can I do for you?" It's awesome.
I do have some complaints obviously. My first one is actually kind of humorous. I have two very noisy dogs. This doesn't change when they're playing; actually it's worse when they do. And they play all the time. They slam each other into walls, grab each others legs and drag the other around by them, and whine/make Chewbacca noises while they play. Most of the time it's downright funny, but sometimes when I'm studying I just can't take it! We're definitely working on decreasing the damn noise. The second complaint is that they like to play too much! When I take them out to go to the bathroom, they do their thing, but on the way back in they start playing. This normally wouldn't be a problem except that they're ON LEASH and -worst of all- attached to me! I bet this really cracks the neighbors up seeing me get dragged around by two nutty dogs.
But really, I'm just so incredibly happy to have 2 dogs & 3 cats that are happy and so loved. They improve my life so much & I really hope that we do the same for them. Now before I get too sappy, here are some pictures of my boys and even a video so you believe me about Chewbacca.
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