I Hate Weddings

I have so much to say about weddings, but I'll try to keep it somewhat short and controlled for you. I need to start out by saying that I'm not totally against marriage- there are just plenty of things I don't like about it. Hopefully I get that across by the end of this post.

I started writing this about 3 days ago and so many words flowed through my fingers so quickly that it came out in a jumbled mess. I'll try to start over and make more sense of it. Lists always help.

1. Women think the day is all about THEM. Note to you, bridezilla: a marriage is about two people, not just you. That also means that the wedding day is about each of you, not just you. In most cases, brides are the ones that freak out about the big day, not the groom. They spend hours (or days, or months) finding the perfect dress (which is usually thousands of dollars), the perfect cake, the perfect flowers, the perfect bridal party, the perfect centerpieces, the perfect venue, the perfect photographer, etc, etc, etc. They stress over every single detail. Thanks to Facebook, I've seen something similar to this quite a few times: "I have NO IDEA where to go on my honeymoon! Does anyone have any idea?!?" Here's an idea: ask your fiance. Figure it out with him. A few different times I asked them what their fiance wanted to do- "Oh, I don't know." It just frustrates me so much that so many brides forget to factor in their future husband when it comes to wedding details. Hopefully it's not an indicator of how their marriage will go.

2. What's the big deal anyway? I love my boyfriend. I am never going to leave him. Ever. And he feels the same way about me. We have a house (sure, we rent it, but we have a house), a dog, cats, and we are extremely happy. So why in the hell do people keep asking, "So when are you going to get married? You've been dating FOREVER!" My question back is, "What will marriage change about our relationship? Nothing, except that it will be legal and you people will stop asking that question!" Marriage doesn't change who the two of you are, it just changes how other people accept you. I've always said that when Alexey and I finally get married, it will be for our families. So that they can finally accept how real our relationship is. Which brings me to my next point...

3. People (mainly brides) expect too much of marriage. Ok, it's over. The day you spent more than a year planning. Now what? A week of vacation with your husband. Husband, that's a funny word. It's also just about all that has changed. You are still the same two people you were a week ago, you both just have the same last name now and are legally tied to each other. I think so many people expect everything to change- like that their love will be magically deeper or something. It's unrealistic and will only lead to you being unhappy. This is another argument for why I think weddings are for other people and not for the couple getting married.

4. DRAMA. Weddings are so drama filled. This bridesmaid is wasted and is flashing everyone. Your mom and dad aren't talking. Your mom and your mother-in-law are staring darts at each other. The speakers aren't working. The cake is the wrong flavor. Our wedding is going to be so full of drama, it's almost unbearable to think about. My divorced parents are going to ruin it- that I'm sure of. They're go to have a yelling match in the middle of our reception. My boyfriend's family is Russian, so they drink and are very, very merry. My family is not. Our parents have never met and probably won't until the big day. My grandparents might leave right after they realize we're not having a Catholic wedding. I think I'm mostly just worried about my parents and the two sides of my family being together in the same room. There is an ungodly amount of tension between the two sides, and I know my sisters have so much bottled up hate for my father, and I'm afraid it's all going to explode on the big day.

5. Money. I'm a cheapskate. I hate spending money unnecessarily. Weddings are so expensive (or they can be), and we don't want to spend very much money on it. We're going to have to pay for the wedding ourselves, so it will have to be as cheap as possible. But here's where the drama factors back in- his family is huge and mine is as well. We are either going to have to cut people from the guest list or pay for all the extra ones. I just hope that by time it rolls around, I get to be more ok with spending money frivolously because I know I'll have to. They don't sell wedding dresses cheap enough for my current budget.

There are a few more reasons, but those are the bulk of them. Although I hate weddings, I am not against marriage at all. I very much agree with it. I love the idea of two people that are in love pledging to stay with each other until the end of time. Monogamy is very much my thing, so in that sense marriage is great. I don't like how people rush into getting married though. It's like they're trying to prove something to each other and everyone else before it's too late. If you're in love now, and you think you will be forever, just wait.

People change so much and you need to be together through enough of those changes to make sure you can change together. If not, then you shouldn't get married. Alexey and I have made it through plenty of tough changes, and I know there are even more ahead. We've learned that we still love each other regardless of everything that has changed. We also know that we will love each other forever and that there is no reason to rush into marriage. Some might say that we're afraid to commit (and they have said that), but that's not the truth at all. We are able to commit to each other privately and don't have to be married to keep that promise.

So, we will get married when the time is right. If all of the family drama ends, I think a wedding would be easier on me specifically, and I might not have as big of a problem with it. But god help me (and especially Alexey) if I ever turn into a bridezilla.