23 = adult?

I'm 23 years old. That makes me an adult...sort of. I feel completely grown up- I have responsibilities, LOTS of responsibilities; I take care of myself; I don't need (or want) input from my parents anymore; I have a wonderfully mature relationship; I make my own money and spend it carefully; I even have a freaking budget that works!

So doesn't all of this prove that I'm an adult? Not really. I still don't really *feel* like an adult. I still rent my place and have to ask my landlord for permission to do anything to it. "Hey Jerry, I clogged my toilet. Is it ok if I unclog it myself, or should I call your preselected plumber?" That sort of relationship definitely keeps me from feeling older.

I also am not treated as an adult. My boyfriend is currently looking for a car and every time we walk into a dealership, we're completely ignored. I guess we don't look like we have money. Or maybe we just look like poor college students that shouldn't be able to afford a new car. That's the part I don't get though. When I see other people my age, I think they look older- not old, but older. They look like they could have a kid on the way, or that they've owned a house for a few years. They look like their parents are well into their gray-hair years. When I look in the mirror, I don't see that type of person. I feel like I still look like I'm fresh out of high school.

What I'm so confused about is how I can feel so grown up and so not grown up at the same time. I also don't understand why people still treat me like I'm some rude high schooler that is just trying to show off in front of their friends. One of the reasons I've been thinking about this lately is that I feel like it's time to take that next step and stop throwing my money away each month. What am I talking about? Buying a house, of course. I pay rent each month, right? And where does that go? Straight into my landlord's pocket is where. I don't see a cent of it and probably won't even get my deposit back in the end. What else will I leave behind? The house (duplex)! I don't leave with anything to show for how much I've paid over the past two years.

Before it didn't bother me because I didn't really have too much to put in a house, and I wasn't too sure about much in my life. Renting was nice because as soon as the year was over I could pack up my things and head on to the next place. I could pick new roommates, buy a new comforter and forget all that had happened in the past year if I wanted to. But now there are so many more sure things in my life- almost everything actually. I have a boyfriend that is here to stay -I've know that for a while, but it's really cemented now- I have a job that I can't lose, I am close(r) to being done with school and will graduate with probably a half dozen job offers, and each one of those jobs will enable me to live a cushy life- a very, very cushy life. The best thing about everything that has changed in my life is that I'm sure about everything I do. I have morphed into my OWN person. No longer do I follow what everyone else things, or do things just because they'll be accepted. I am who I am and for once in my life I am *so* not afraid to show it to the world. I take actions and do not think about them twice because I do my research and make sure I'm making the right decision.

So why can't people see this from the outside? Why am I not treated as an adult? Why in the HELL won't my sister stop asking me, "Did you ask Mom if that's ok?" I'm almost 24 years old! I don't need my mother to tell me what's ok and what's not. Now that I've said that, I think I'm going to have to ask my mother for advice on transitioning from a child to an adult and how to change people's perception of you. Part of what is hard is that other people my age aren't at the same spot mentally that I am. A lot of them still live their life to party and don't think as much about the things I do. If I were around more like-minded people I might have a clue what to do about how I'm feeling.

The question I'm always left asking myself is: should I continue to allow myself to mature and try to figure out how to feel like and adult/be perceived as one, or should I 'act my age' and party a little more? But I guess only time will tell.