So often we, as humans, fall into cycles and find it hard to break free.
Many of our parents began dating, got married, had children and began a cycle of being. They didn't love each other or maybe even their lives, but they continued the cycle. Each week, the same thing. Get the kids ready for school, go to work, come home, make dinner, clean, get the kids to bed, watch TV, go to bed. Over and over and over. If either one was unhappy, it didn't matter. Many other couples did this and stayed together, so they would too. Breaking out of the cycle to be happy wasn't accepted. Obviously now it's more socially acceptable, but you get my point.
Raising children brings up another cycle many of us follow without question. There is weird and there is normal. Normal is acceptable from the beginning while weird becomes unacceptable after a certain age or limit is passed. Who decides what is normal and what is not? Our parents. They are the ones who teach us to scoff and the little boy who goes everywhere dressed as Batman or groans when two men kiss on TV. All of the adults talk about how bullying needs to end, but who is it teaching these bullies to bully? The parents. Until a generation comes about that is totally open will we really begin to see any changes in the world. We're getting closer, but we're nowhere near there.
I had to bite my tongue at Thanksgiving this year when my family started talking about politics. The two older generations were discussing everything with such a closed mind. At one point when someone made a horrible comment about a gay man, I spoke up only to be shushed by my sister. SHUSHED. Apparently speaking up and standing up for what's right isn't acceptable because that's the way things are. Well, I spoke my mind and got quite a few opened mouth stares for saying what I thought, but they need to realize that the closed-minded people they're talking about are staring back at them in the mirror.
Cycles rule our lives. Sometimes no matter how hard we want to break free of them, we just can't. Either it's too hard or it's something that would be frowned upon. No matter how comfortable we may feel continuing the cycle, we need to realize when it's time to break out of it. Younger generations are on the brink of many chances to do this, we just need to find the courage to stop the cycles our parents, grandparents, etc have begun and that's when the change will really begin.
Sorry if the voice in this sounds different from my own, but I just watched a movie set in England and I can't seem to stop talking like them. It's quite infuriating, honestly.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
10 things I love
10. Basketball- and not just KU basketball. I love playing basketball so much, and it's something I need to start doing again
9. Shopping. When I save up enough shopping money to do some serious retail therapy, I love it. It's funny because I used to completely hate shopping with a passion. Now that I can go on my own & I'm completely free to make my own choices, I really do love it. Online shopping also makes it easier to love to shop.
8. Driving the shit out of my car. I can't wait for summer to come again so I can put my tires back on and have some grip!
7. Spending time with friends I love. I don't do that nearly enough & tend to make excuses for not seeing the few that are still close to Lawrence. I always say, "Oh they live too far away to visit," but I just need to man up and make the damn drive to OP.
6. Learning new languages. After I just upgraded to iTunes10, I noticed a few features, like audiobooks. This lead to me find a few books that teach you Russian. I also found tons of audio recordings of Russian conversation, so I'm hoping to start picking it up.
5. Lifting weights. I find it so invigorating and I absolutely love the feeling I get after lifting for a while- when I can feel myself getting stronger. And not to mention, it's an easy way to put on weight that looks good.
4. Community service. I used to volunteer all the time and it's something I stopped doing about a year ago. I get a sense of purpose from volunteering and I'm going to start doing it again after finals.
3. Thinking up all of the wonderful outfits I'm going to wear when I a) finally get over my sweatpants phase and b) have enough money to sophisticated clothing.
2. Reading, movies, & TV. Sometimes you need a break from your life or at least a reminder of better things, and these three things are a great way to do that.
1. Our little family that we've created. Every night when we're all at home, the cats are upstairs meowing/going nuts and the puppies are running figure eights around the downstairs, Alexey and I just look at each other and smile because, at the end of the day, life is good.
9. Shopping. When I save up enough shopping money to do some serious retail therapy, I love it. It's funny because I used to completely hate shopping with a passion. Now that I can go on my own & I'm completely free to make my own choices, I really do love it. Online shopping also makes it easier to love to shop.
8. Driving the shit out of my car. I can't wait for summer to come again so I can put my tires back on and have some grip!
7. Spending time with friends I love. I don't do that nearly enough & tend to make excuses for not seeing the few that are still close to Lawrence. I always say, "Oh they live too far away to visit," but I just need to man up and make the damn drive to OP.
6. Learning new languages. After I just upgraded to iTunes10, I noticed a few features, like audiobooks. This lead to me find a few books that teach you Russian. I also found tons of audio recordings of Russian conversation, so I'm hoping to start picking it up.
5. Lifting weights. I find it so invigorating and I absolutely love the feeling I get after lifting for a while- when I can feel myself getting stronger. And not to mention, it's an easy way to put on weight that looks good.
4. Community service. I used to volunteer all the time and it's something I stopped doing about a year ago. I get a sense of purpose from volunteering and I'm going to start doing it again after finals.
3. Thinking up all of the wonderful outfits I'm going to wear when I a) finally get over my sweatpants phase and b) have enough money to sophisticated clothing.
2. Reading, movies, & TV. Sometimes you need a break from your life or at least a reminder of better things, and these three things are a great way to do that.
1. Our little family that we've created. Every night when we're all at home, the cats are upstairs meowing/going nuts and the puppies are running figure eights around the downstairs, Alexey and I just look at each other and smile because, at the end of the day, life is good.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Grocery shopping
Truth be told, I suck at grocery shopping. I buy whatever the hell I feel like eating at that moment as well as what I think I might like to eat if I can get the guts to. Because of the first part, I end up with a lot of snacks (aka junk) and not a whole lot of meal-type food. And because of the second part, Alexey ends up with a lot of food he doesn't have to pay for.
My other problem is that I don't limit myself. My budget way overestimates how much I need for groceries. I do this because I know how I shop. I walk into the store and go up and down the aisles, grabbing whatever I feel like. I stop when I a) get tired of shopping or b) run out of space in my cart.
I also make a ton of small trips instead of one big one. I stop in for bread or milk or chips and I leave with at least 3-4 bags- every.single.time. I literally did a dance outside HyVee a couple trips ago because I only got the 3 things I went in for. That was seriously HUGE for me.
Yesterday I posted about how I haven't been to HyVee in over a month. This is good because I'm saving a crap ton of money by finishing every last thing I've bought. This is bad because all I have left are snacks. I believe I had popcorn for dinner 4 nights in a row until I ran out. Now cereal is all that I'm left with, and I think I only have enough for one more bowl. After that I'll be having Wheat Thins or chips and dip.
I should probably just go and restock everything, but I kind of like this. Back up...I like that I'm actually using all of the food I've bought instead of buying new food and throwing out everything that I haven't used. I don't like eating popcorn or Wheat Thins for dinner.
When I looked at my bank account yesterday and saw that it had been a whole month since I bought any groceries, I was ecstatic. Shopping for food is a huge weakness of mine and an area that I waste a lot of money. From now on, I'm going to:
a) Stop buying things to try them because that actually never even happens. They just get shoved to the back of the pantry until they expire.
b) Stop buying multiples of things. By time I get through the first pack of whatever it is, I'm so sick of it that I can hardly look at the second pack.
c) Buy more dinner food and less snack food.
d) Stop making small trips to the store to pick up a few things...alone. It can either wait until my next big trip, or I can go with Alexey so he can make me buy only what's on my list.
e) STOP SHOPPING HUNGRY! I need to start going when I'm so full that food nauseates me...maybe that will motivate me to stick to the list.
My other problem is that I don't limit myself. My budget way overestimates how much I need for groceries. I do this because I know how I shop. I walk into the store and go up and down the aisles, grabbing whatever I feel like. I stop when I a) get tired of shopping or b) run out of space in my cart.
I also make a ton of small trips instead of one big one. I stop in for bread or milk or chips and I leave with at least 3-4 bags- every.single.time. I literally did a dance outside HyVee a couple trips ago because I only got the 3 things I went in for. That was seriously HUGE for me.
Yesterday I posted about how I haven't been to HyVee in over a month. This is good because I'm saving a crap ton of money by finishing every last thing I've bought. This is bad because all I have left are snacks. I believe I had popcorn for dinner 4 nights in a row until I ran out. Now cereal is all that I'm left with, and I think I only have enough for one more bowl. After that I'll be having Wheat Thins or chips and dip.
I should probably just go and restock everything, but I kind of like this. Back up...I like that I'm actually using all of the food I've bought instead of buying new food and throwing out everything that I haven't used. I don't like eating popcorn or Wheat Thins for dinner.
When I looked at my bank account yesterday and saw that it had been a whole month since I bought any groceries, I was ecstatic. Shopping for food is a huge weakness of mine and an area that I waste a lot of money. From now on, I'm going to:
a) Stop buying things to try them because that actually never even happens. They just get shoved to the back of the pantry until they expire.
b) Stop buying multiples of things. By time I get through the first pack of whatever it is, I'm so sick of it that I can hardly look at the second pack.
c) Buy more dinner food and less snack food.
d) Stop making small trips to the store to pick up a few things...alone. It can either wait until my next big trip, or I can go with Alexey so he can make me buy only what's on my list.
e) STOP SHOPPING HUNGRY! I need to start going when I'm so full that food nauseates me...maybe that will motivate me to stick to the list.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
4 more days
Four.more.days.
Writing every day this month has been an experience. It has caused me to be more reflective & forced me to follow through. I honestly can't believe I've blogged every single day; at the beginning of the month I would have never thought I'd be able to come up with something to write every day. Sure, I fudged a couple of posts, but mostly I did come up with real blogs.
What I mean when I say it made me more reflective is that I realized by blogging daily that people were getting a MUCH bigger dose of Rachel this month. It made me think about what that might mean to my average blog reader. I'm aware that I'm a negative person- it's just who I've become over the past few years- but it's not always something that I "force" on people on a day-to-day basis. (Sorry, Alexey, but you chose this ;) I thought about what it would be like if I were the reader instead of the blogger & I don't think I'd keep reading after a while.
So for you, reader, I'm going to work on getting back to the happy person I used to be. She's buried deep in there somewhere & I'm going to try to dig her out. I'm not making any promises & I'm sure it's going to take a while, but believe it or not, it's difficult to be unhappy & negative. Although everyone always says that happiness is a choice, I've learned that even though you may chose to be happy, it doesn't always come easily. I've made the choice today to get back to that point, but it's not just a switch you flip. I'm going to have to face many of the things that have caused my negativity & come to terms with them. Wish me luck!
Writing every day this month has been an experience. It has caused me to be more reflective & forced me to follow through. I honestly can't believe I've blogged every single day; at the beginning of the month I would have never thought I'd be able to come up with something to write every day. Sure, I fudged a couple of posts, but mostly I did come up with real blogs.
What I mean when I say it made me more reflective is that I realized by blogging daily that people were getting a MUCH bigger dose of Rachel this month. It made me think about what that might mean to my average blog reader. I'm aware that I'm a negative person- it's just who I've become over the past few years- but it's not always something that I "force" on people on a day-to-day basis. (Sorry, Alexey, but you chose this ;) I thought about what it would be like if I were the reader instead of the blogger & I don't think I'd keep reading after a while.
So for you, reader, I'm going to work on getting back to the happy person I used to be. She's buried deep in there somewhere & I'm going to try to dig her out. I'm not making any promises & I'm sure it's going to take a while, but believe it or not, it's difficult to be unhappy & negative. Although everyone always says that happiness is a choice, I've learned that even though you may chose to be happy, it doesn't always come easily. I've made the choice today to get back to that point, but it's not just a switch you flip. I'm going to have to face many of the things that have caused my negativity & come to terms with them. Wish me luck!
Friday, November 26, 2010
What I'm thankful for...
I know that I come off as a really unhappy, negative person & I'm sure I annoy quite a few of you. Right now, I'm not at a place in my life where things are going my way, so it gets me down more often than not. However, I do have many things in my life that I'm incredibly grateful for. I was going to take the easy way out of a real Thanksgiving post, but as I was reading other people's posts, I realized I should write them down; focus on the good. So here they are:
- My man. I get way more grumpy with him than I should because he is the most wonderful boyfriend I could ever dream up. He treats me so much better than I probably deserve, and he's the best furdad ever.
- Our love. As cheesy as it is, I'm really thankful we're still so in love. I felt like this had to be a separate point- just because you have the man doesn't mean you've still got the love!
- My furbabies. I bitch about them on here quite a bit when they do bad things, but it's complete bliss watching them fall asleep & dream their puppy/kitty dreams. Their love is truly unconditional & the stupidest things make them happy as can be. I should really take note & try to see the world like they do....minus the drool & other nasty things ;)
- My sisters. Although we don't get along all the time & they do some things I don't approve of & would never do, I have had much better relationships with them ever since the divorce. We depend on each other more now than we ever have. It's taken some getting used to, but I think I'm finally starting to understand what having a close relationship with my sisters is like. It's mostly good haha
- My house, my car, all of my stuff. Being able to have all of the crap I do is something I take for granted much too often.
- My job. Sure, there are things I'd like to be different at work, but I have a job. In today's world that is damn lucky. I'm also thankful to work with such amazing people. They have really become friends that I'll miss when we all move to different stores or on to different places.
- My education. School stresses me out like no other, but learning is something I really love. Once school is over, I hope I have enough time to continue taking classes. Even if I don't, I'll still be thankful for my education & all that I've learned.
- The level of freedom I have. I was thinking about this on my drive to OP today. I drove almost an hour away & didn't have to stop at any military checkpoints, didn't see guys carrying around guns on the streets, there were no riots, etc.
- My general health. My health is something that causes (or has already caused) the majority of problems in my life. But what I am thankful for when it comes to health is that I don't have a disease that is killing me...or at least I don't think it's killing me. I'll get back to you on that.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Good day?
I'd actually say I had a pretty good day today despite everything that happened. Yes, that's right people, I'm focusing on the GOOD parts of today instead of the BAD. Bet that was one hell of a surprise, huh?
This morning I woke up with a migraine. That sucked, but I was being spooned by my man, so I didn't really even care I had a migraine. I also got to sleep in until about 11:30! After breakfast, I decided I just couldn't stand my hair cut anymore & that it needed to be fixed. I decided I'd shower, do my hair like I normally do it & head to another stylist to show her what had been done to my hair.
A bit before I was supposed to leave, my awesome manager texted me offering me some hours tonight, so I said I'd come in after my hair cut. I headed to my appointment & was delighted when she thought my hair looked just as horrid as I thought it did :) But really, she could tell the girl just wasn't paying attention. She did an awesome job fixing it, even though she had to take a little more off the bottom.
Funny side story: we were talking about our dogs, & I mentioned Tuck & said, "He's part sheltie, part kangaroo." Her response was, "Oh really? I didn't know they could do that!" Hehe. She thought I meant he literally was part kangaroo instead of me just meaning he's quite the jumper. She was really sweet & actually listened to what I was saying! She seriously did a great job, & I feel like I can actually go out in public again.
After my hair cut I raced home to shower & get ready for work. I took the dogs out right as I was about to leave, & what happens? Tuck has diarrhea. AWESOME! When we got inside he also started dry heaving, so that was great. Usually I wouldn't think very much of this, but he ate poo at the dog park yesterday that I could clearly see a worm in when I went over to get him away from it. I did NOT want to spend Thanksgiving home, taking him out every 5 minutes, so I called the vet. Yeah, apparently they all closed really early for the holiday.
Because of that I had to take him to Banfield in Overland Park. He made it the whole way there, all the time in OP, and the whole way back without making a mess so that was freaking amazing. The vet was actually really good & they were super quick! Something Banfield never has been. Tuck actually liked it. After the vet, I stopped by my mom's house to introduce Tucker to the family dog, Mandy & they got along pretty well. Mandy doesn't like other dogs at all, so that was huge.
As I was leaving OP, I called back my friend Brian to see what he had called for earlier. I ended up going over to his place to hang out for a bit since I haven't seen him in way too long. Did I mention how much I love catching up with good friends? Let's just say I'm feeling completely refreshed & that's probably the reason I'm being positive tonight. Tuck behaved pretty well after his initial freak out because of meeting a new person & being in a new place.
Now we're finally back home, Tucker is medicated, & Koopa & Tuck are reunited again :D
This morning I woke up with a migraine. That sucked, but I was being spooned by my man, so I didn't really even care I had a migraine. I also got to sleep in until about 11:30! After breakfast, I decided I just couldn't stand my hair cut anymore & that it needed to be fixed. I decided I'd shower, do my hair like I normally do it & head to another stylist to show her what had been done to my hair.
A bit before I was supposed to leave, my awesome manager texted me offering me some hours tonight, so I said I'd come in after my hair cut. I headed to my appointment & was delighted when she thought my hair looked just as horrid as I thought it did :) But really, she could tell the girl just wasn't paying attention. She did an awesome job fixing it, even though she had to take a little more off the bottom.
Funny side story: we were talking about our dogs, & I mentioned Tuck & said, "He's part sheltie, part kangaroo." Her response was, "Oh really? I didn't know they could do that!" Hehe. She thought I meant he literally was part kangaroo instead of me just meaning he's quite the jumper. She was really sweet & actually listened to what I was saying! She seriously did a great job, & I feel like I can actually go out in public again.
After my hair cut I raced home to shower & get ready for work. I took the dogs out right as I was about to leave, & what happens? Tuck has diarrhea. AWESOME! When we got inside he also started dry heaving, so that was great. Usually I wouldn't think very much of this, but he ate poo at the dog park yesterday that I could clearly see a worm in when I went over to get him away from it. I did NOT want to spend Thanksgiving home, taking him out every 5 minutes, so I called the vet. Yeah, apparently they all closed really early for the holiday.
Because of that I had to take him to Banfield in Overland Park. He made it the whole way there, all the time in OP, and the whole way back without making a mess so that was freaking amazing. The vet was actually really good & they were super quick! Something Banfield never has been. Tuck actually liked it. After the vet, I stopped by my mom's house to introduce Tucker to the family dog, Mandy & they got along pretty well. Mandy doesn't like other dogs at all, so that was huge.
As I was leaving OP, I called back my friend Brian to see what he had called for earlier. I ended up going over to his place to hang out for a bit since I haven't seen him in way too long. Did I mention how much I love catching up with good friends? Let's just say I'm feeling completely refreshed & that's probably the reason I'm being positive tonight. Tuck behaved pretty well after his initial freak out because of meeting a new person & being in a new place.
Now we're finally back home, Tucker is medicated, & Koopa & Tuck are reunited again :D
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